Music videos past and present
I love music videos - watching them, writing about them and making my own on extremely limited budgets. Great videos are part of the reason I like pop music.
I know this blog has a rubbish name but to be honest you're all lucky I didn't call this something like 'Video Filled The Internet Fnar'.
Unfortunately some record companies don't like other people embedding their videos in order to give them more publicity, so I apologise on their behalf if any of the videos I post are no longer available.
Feel free to go to Youtube.com and complain about this daft precedent (or just search for the video there instead).
You can follow my posts on livejournal here: vidsarealright
Or get the straight RSS instead.
My colleague’s heart - I want to know about it. Are they disappointed? Are they glad? If only there was a way of finding out! I will discover surprises in those hearts, I’m sure there’s some meaning in it. Involving cartoon bears. Laa la la la laaaaa.
Wiley and Cherri are in detention, tsk tsk. Probably for talking - it seems ludicrous now, but TALKING was the most prolific and therefore worst crime committed at my school (cumulatively, at least). Apart from maybe smoking in the loos. Anyway, Wiley has to do lines on the blackboard like Bart Simpson (ok this is probably ancient interweb errata already but why does Bart run out of the classroom when the bell rings? Surely he is staying behind after school to write said lines, and therefore the bell has already rung?) whilst Cherri has to content with some CGI yearbook/playground/lockers/corridor action. I love her little hopscotch dance at 3.18 though.
Nyah and her equally lazy co-workers nick their bosses’ credit card and audition some (safe-for-work) strip-o-grams, giving them marks out of 10. To be fair, it’s more fun than spreadsheets. I quite like the fireman dude myself but I think they’re a bit harsh on the pizza delivery chap - stripping isn’t exactly in his job description after all.
Here’s the mostly-rubbish video for Britters’ Greatest Hits plugger (and here’s another link if the one above disappears). It’s rubbish because:
1. NEON TUBES arrrrhghahgahghrhgh
2. Pole-dancing where the pole is horizontal and a bit too high above your head = FAIL. Also the tragic memory of Brit’s previous disastrous attempt at pole-dancing is still too fresh (you all know which one I mean - I shall not link to it here so we can all forget about it).
3. Monochrome minimal post-‘Single Ladies’ backdrop yawwwwwn
4. One of the female dancers grabs Britney’s bum in a really weird fashion - it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch and I don’t exactly know why
5. The radio edit bleeps ‘sin’ and replaces it with ‘bliss’. I know ‘thing’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘sin’ either but ‘bliss’ DEFINITELY does not rhyme with ‘thing’ even in a squashed flat vocal.
6. Britney has flogged at least eight different perfumes but to my knowledge this is the first one that has required product placement in one of her videos.
It’s only mostly rubbish because:
1. At 2.59 she does her ‘dividing 3597 by 236’ face! I haven’t seen that face for at least four years.
2. Her tiny smile at 3.03 just kills me dead. I love you Britney.
It’s Not Me, It’s You must have done pretty well for Parlophone if they’re flogging yet ANOTHER single off it with a reasonably entertaining video. Unfortunately Elton John’s most recent greatest hits compilation can’t be doing too well, as Mercury aren’t bothered about paying the ransom for his kidnap.
It’s easy to sympathise with our heroine here. Many a night have I spent dreaming up schemes to ensnare Heidi Range for my own nefarious purposes over a bottle of Tesco plonk. The key element Lily’s missing here though is to go for the ACTUAL celeb in question, not a look-a-like. Better luck next time, Lil.
With a hitherto unseen degree of self-awareness, Sean admits that he’s not exactly Johnny Depp in the handsomeness stakes. The ‘ugh’ look on Snotty Girl’s face when he moves in for a snog at 0.13 is probably one he’s seen many times. Poor Sean. How could he possibly get revenge on this shallow girl obsessed with what’s on the outside rather than looking past Sean’s globulous form and seeing the beauty within?
Er, by turning himself into a cartoon, splashing water at her, realising it was all a dream, then giving up and pestering someone else instead? Sounds like a plan, Sean…
Mystic pentagrams at the ready! Given the exhorbitant property prices in Zone 2 these days, not everyone has the available square footage necessary for summoning the dark arts. Therefore it’s good to see Little Boots making thrifty use of her roof garden space for a spot of stargazing/levitation. But if Vicky here is the Gatekeeper, who is the Keymaster? Any suggestions as to who is the Rick Moranis of Modern Pop are welcomed, but I have an awful feeling it might still be the dude on the left here…
Have a think about the type of people you normally encounter in your local supermarket. My local Sainsburys is mostly populated by screaming children and their slow-moving parents, confused non-English-speakers wondering why their 1 Euro Off coupon doesn’t work outside the Republic of Ireland, mardy pensioners with wheelybags and bedraggled hipsters who haven’t gone to bed yet.
In Michael Buble’s supermarket there are body-popping checkout staff, double beds in the aisles, tickertape parades and beautiful models. Yet notice how he still doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. It doesn’t matter how many nectar points you save up - grocery shopping is never going to be a fun experience even if you are a large-faced mum-orientated singer. The supermarket certainly isn’t a good location to appraise potential sexual partners, unless trolley maneuvering happens to be an essential quality you seek in a mate. Or you’re Jarvis Cocker.
A bunch of Scandinavian semi-naturists come over all Rite Of Spring when a dude with a drumkit turns up. Excellent enough to make me want to go and purchase a) a quad bike b) a drumkit RIGHT NOW. It’s a bit chilly for all the rest of it though (totally SFW).
Flo Rida may only have one A in his name, but nevertheless Alex is intent on ringing him up to fix her broken down car. However rather than wait for assistance on the hard shoulder she’s decided to walk up to the nearest Little Chef so she can have a quick game of Badlands and a jumbo coffee. Don’t bother with the sandwiches Alex, they’re a rip-off.
