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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.

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MPHO - Box N Locks.

Yet another quirky young female British singer blah blah blah, but this time backed up with a Martha & The Muffins sample. The video is pretty basic to start off with (arrrrgh not MORE neon bars!) but it (and the song) suddenly steps up at the 2 minute mark, where MPHO finds herself dancing inside a glow-in-the-dark Kerplunk set.

(If you are a cretin and can’t stand Echo Beach there’s a remix that ditches the sample here)

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Hannah - Keeping Score.

Oh dear, someone else who didn’t get the Neon memo. You’d think Hannah would be keeping abreast of matters, what with rolling around in all those newspapers. Much as I like her blue gloves, Hannah somehow fails at life here: it’s as if Heidi Sugababe decided to have cosmetic surgery to look more like Linda Robson from Birds Of A Feather. That thought upsets me.

At least we finally found out where Kelis’s big orange arrows went.

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Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling.

Joyful indie pop from the BEPs. Yes, I said INDIE. This almost sounds like a Killers track, but with the crucial addition of comraderie and shared good times instead of Brandon Flowers’ desert philospher aloofness.

Meanwhile, what on earth has Fergie got on her dressing table there? Barbie’s ex-communicated cousin, Stripper? I quite like the Shark & Stripes though.

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JLS - Beat Again.

It’s been a week of surprises. First Cascada release an RnB single, now an X-Factor runner-up - an X-Factor group, no less - has made a great pop record that will undoubtedly go to #1 as soon as the release date will allow. Other plus points: at least two of them are non-ugly, they can all dance in time with each other, one of them is called Marvin. And there’s a random bicycle in there for no reason.

Though someone should have told them that vertical neon strips have been done to death last year.

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Shystie ft DJ Dee Kline - New Style

When her normal baseball-bat-wielding technique doesn’t produce the required results, Shystie instead attempts to impress Lurch from the Addams Family with her terrific harlequin outfits and dayglo face paint. Marvellous stuff. Oh, and yes it is indeed THAT DJ Dee Kline…

This particular youtube vid has some baffling tags attached to it:

Shystie new style Leona Lewis Run George Bush shoe attack N-Dubz Strong Again Alexandra Burke Hallelujah x factor Lily Allen The Fear dj deekline Lil wayne kanye west Orlando Bloom mystery Cool Russian Actor sketch son god russia russian fun video

X Factor, Lily and ‘George Bush Shoe Attack’ I can just about understand drumming up some hits, but ‘Orlando Bloom mystery’? And why all the Russia references? I imagine I’m missing something very obvious here…

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Beyonce - Diva

As long as Beyonce has a pop career then I will never run out of stuff to put on this blog - you can always count on Bouncey to take full advantage of the music video format, and it looks like she’s going to repeat what she did on B-Day by making bonkers promos for EVERY song on I Am… Sasha Fierce.

As per ‘Single Ladies’, here we have Beyonce plus two backing dancers (who are in severe danger of becoming her Harajuku Girls). The Robot Hand is all present and correct, as are sunglasses with dangly bits of tinsel instead of lenses, ridiculous shoes, a fan made out of dollar bills and a completely pointless cigar-triggered explosion at the end. Hurray! It’s all much more pleasing to the eye than the boring old video to ‘A Milli’ (the Lil’Wayne track that B has shamelessly ripped off here). Expect more diva madness very soon.

EDIT: Almost forgot about the neon bar! Well done B for shoe-horning that one in there at the last minute.

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Katy Perry - Hot N Cold

It’s such a shame that Katy Perry’s music is execrable (verging on turgid), because she makes a great video:

  • Chase scene involving a pile of watermelons being knocked over: TICK
  • Backing dancers dressed as brides wielding baseball bats: TICK
  • Shameless Nokia product placement: TICK
  • Priest played by Rufus from Bill & Ted: ok FAIL but wouldn’t that have been smashing?
  • Man dressed as giant hotdog: TICK
  • A ZEBRA standing underneath a rainbow: TICK

    All this AND it meets the required quota of neon tube lights mandatory for all 2008 pop releases! But the fact remains that Katy Perry looks like Sarah off Hollyoaks’ face has been yanked off and badly sewn onto John Travolta’s, so only Nicholas Cage can tell who is the imposter (or something). I can’t trust her not to blow up the whole of Los Angeles, let alone enough for me to like her song.

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    Craig David - Insomnia

    Stop press! Craig David wants to be Ne-Yo! Nee-Eee-Yo, when the crowd say Bo, Seleeect-tarr etc etc.

    The whole Dan Flavin fluorescent tube thing has been all over the place this year - Kelly Rowland, September and Ne-Yo all giving it some neon action. Craig’s version here looks a bit like the reception is going on his Freeview box, and he needs to wiggle the aerial around the back a little bit.

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